Don’t you just love it, when things work out? It is delicious! So, I had one of my prayers answered just before the end of July 2020. As these things work, it didn’t happen in any way that I had thought or expected. At first, I could not believe it. I was overjoyed. I was happy. Oh my goodness, my life had just became a whole lot easier.
Then came the savage and raging monster, called doubt. I involuntarily started asking myself self-defeating questions. How will I sustain this? How many people are this blessed during a global pandemic? Is it real? Am I worth it? Slowly my joy slipped away from me because I could not answer some of my questions because I don’t know ALL of God’s ways. He says, I know of ways ye know not of… Since I am aware of my thoughts and emotions, a firm believer of LoA (Law of Attraction); I knew pursuing these thoughts were taking me to a destination so far away from the reality that I am busy creating or the one I would love to create. I tried soothing myself with affirmations “Of course, I am damn worth it” “God loves me” “I AM ENOUGH”
Yet, I could not shake off the fear of losing it all and/or unworthiness. I still felt like I didn’t deserve my miracle and I just didn’t know whether it would last! When I fail to pull myself from the clutches of fear, I know my family can help me. Usually when I talk about my fears to my trusted circle of family and friends, I am able to pull from the pit of the negative emotions. I then called my sister and a close friend on different occasions close to tears because I simply could not be grateful for my miracle. The fear was really overwhelming and overriding the favour! The long calls with my support system ruffled the feathers of my fear and unworthiness. Here are some of the questions that my sister asked that caused me to see some ray of sunshine.
“Did you steal this blessing?” Hahaha, I replied, of course not! So, “why would God take it away from you?” She further asked. I had no answer. She soothed and said “you see, it is yours and it is here to stay”. She had a point. How can she be so sure, I mused? I admire my sister’s assurance and determination to trust God.
My friend on the other hand, didn’t think it was even the case of unworthiness. She acknowledged the fear and helped me channel the fear into fuel for gratitude. We then discussed the story of David and Goliath in the Bible. This is actually the crux of this article. Please forgive me because I won’t go into details of the whole story. I am only sharing the part that helped me become so powerfully grateful. For the full length of the Bible story, you may access it here.
David, a young man defeated Goliath, a mighty giant warrior. David asked King Saul to fight the giant and of course you can imagine, that the suggestion was met with doubt. He convinced King Saul, after he told him that he had defeated a Lion and a Bear, that had tried had to eat his flock, since David was a shepherd. He said the way God made him triumphant with the lion and bear, is the same way, he would be triumphant with the Giant. I think that is what convinced Saul. Well, it certainly convinced me. David went to battle without a shadow of doubt because he was so assured of God’s capabilities. And true, he won the battle.
Now, let us come back to my dilemma. The story taught me to search myself of my times when God slayed my Lions and Bears. I took out my journal and began the journey to childhood until now. I discovered so many wonderful things that have happened to me. I became hopeful. I reflected on my teenage years and my young adult years. God has continued to bless me, there was no blessing that was taken from me nor returned back where it came from (lol).
I asked myself “has my life degraded? Has it gone downhill?” The answer is a resounding no!
Sure, I have had a few Major setbacks, yet I have always come out victorious from them. ALWAYS. In fact, in hindsight, my comebacks from the setbacks have been impressive. It is really uplifting to recognize the blessings that have occurred in my life, sometimes without me asking.
I started to become so grateful for my entire life. The summary of my retrospection of my overall life is; I have ALWAYS been relatively comfortable, loved, sheltered, fed, clothed, educated and took for granted excellent health. What more could I want?
Therefore, looking at the past trend, God will continue to provide for me. My miracle is mine and is here to stay. I embrace and cherish the miracle. I have no reason to fear. I am finally deeply grateful, not just for my miracle but for my life. Being grateful is sometimes difficult and you are not alone if you find that, sometimes you just can’t be grateful. I have read some articles online about research being conducted on gratitude, as much as it is beneficial for us, not many of us are able to evoke gratitude at will, it really takes some effort. Here is an interesting article with additional links about research conducted on gratitude. You are not alone!
I find these ideas easy, fun and light-hearted on how to easily become more grateful. I mean who does not love great views? Or chocolate for the sweet toothed? Otherwise, add your own list of the wonderful simple things that you enjoy. I enjoy that feeling I get after cleansing my face or cool air from the aircon after a hot day or the feeling I get when I lay on my bed at the end of the day – so relaxing!!!