Is there a logical reason why some of my dreams have not yet materialised? Why would God deny me the desires of my heart? Is it because I’m black? Maybe, if I were born Caucasian, things would be different. I would have been born with privilege. The mere colour of their skin, means that they are treated differently. They are treated fairer. Maybe that is why God doesn’t want to bless me, because I’m black. Yet, here I am, black and I want more. What must happen now?
Or is it because I am female? Does my gender affect how God treats me? Am I at a disadvantage because I am a woman? Or is it because I was born poor? I was born in a small town, my parents were on the lowest tier of the middle class, a miner and primary school teacher. Was I born on the wrong side of life? The side of life where people are destined to be poor, miserable, disappointed, unfulfilled and unhappy?
Could that be why God can’t bless me. The world has placed such little to no value on poor black women. Does God also see it that way? Who is God anyway? And what is He doing about fulfilling my dreams and the injustice of black women?
I was raised with Christian principles, I have heard and known such a saying “God is no respecter of people”.
They say that God doesn’t care about any of those things mentioned above. The God of the Bible is All Consuming, All Powerful, All Mighty and does not fail. However, in my life I have not experienced Him like that, hence I stopped going to church in 2010. I also stopped identifying myself as a Christian. I felt like God didn’t care about me. It is difficult to identify with mainstream “Christian God”, the God steeped in white supremacy, patriarchy and monotheism. Therefore, I began to research within myself and the world, who is God? How do I relate to God?
Right now in my life as an evolving 34 year old truth seeking female, I think that God is the multifaceted Life Force/Source/Universe/Infinite Intelligence.
I identify with the concept of the law of attraction, it makes so much sense to me. It means that what I think and believe becomes my reality and/or my life. The following here is the perfect explanation of LoA (Law of Attraction) for me.
The day I accepted my allegiance to LoA, was when I was pondering one of those difficult questions that the world that doesn’t seem to have an answer to. I was wondering why is it that some people are poor and disadvantaged and others are so rich and privileged. Why is there injustice in the world? Where is God to make things right and fair? If the God of the Bible is Merciful, Graceful, Victorious and Powerful; why is He not doing anything about the injustice? My personal answer that gave me satisfaction was that everyone was making their own choices and experiencing what they think and believe.
The law is constant and consistent! As long as someone believes that they are a genius, they’ll continue being ingenious! As long as one believes that being a woman is a disadvantage, they’ll be disadvantaged. But…that is not fair, you might exclaim! Is it not? It is. That is the bitter pill I had to swallow as a novice LoA student. The law is perfect and fair. We are all making a choice every day, whether we like it or not, whether we are conscious or not. We are all responsible for the lives, that we live.
Now, let’s go back to my question at the beginning of the article, I asked who is to blame for my dreams not realised? God or me?
Could it be then, that I am the one stopping the blessings? What are my thoughts towards success? Has my dream consumed me? Have I been thinking uplifting and positive thoughts regarding my life? Did I choose to have a positive outlook and attitude towards life? Have I been enjoying the little things in life? I know what I have done; I have been stressed out about my previous job, I have been unkind towards my husband, I have been impatient with my daughter, I have been resentful of my parents, I have been envious of people who appear to have it together, I have been fearful about the state of my finances, I have not made time for myself, I have been busy, etc.
Please bear with me, in between, I have had pockets of relief, humour, appreciation, orgasm, love, fun, etc. My life has not been all gloom. Haha!
Again, I ask, would God deny me the desires of my heart?
Well-Being is the basis of this Universe. Well-Being is the basis of All-That-Is. It flows to you and through you. You have only to allow it. Like the air that you breathe, you have only to open, relax, and draw it to your being. ~ Abraham Hicks from Ask and it is Given!
God is my Source. There is that within me that knows what to do and how to do it. All is well. ~ Candy Paull, The heart of Abundance
I AM is the self-definition of the absolute, the foundation on which everything rests. I AM is the first cause-substance. I AM is the self-definition of God. Leave the mirror and change your face. Leave the world alone and change your conceptions of yourself. ~ Neville Goddard, The Power of Awareness.
I AM all things, when they are admitted, are made manifest by the light: for everything that is made manifest is light. ~ Ephesians 5:13
Would I then deny myself the desires of my heart? A resounding No! Yet, I don’t think my above thoughts, behaviour and actions were leading me to a fulfilling life. If I am not to blame and God isn’t to blame. So what must happen now? How do I move towards a life of my dreams?
I am going to take responsibility of my thoughts and actions. I am going to believe in the Greater Good. I am going to believe in a God that cares and values me as an awesome black woman. I am going to believe that God wants me to be successful, happy, healthy and fulfilled. I am going to believe that I am born on the right side of life! I am going to believe that I can.
I am allowing myself the luxury of the desires of my heart. I am going to make time for myself. I am going to be loving towards my husband. I am going to play more with my daughter. I am going to cut my parents some slack, they did what they thought best. I am going to bless myself and the world. I am going to be grateful, truly I have no reason, not to!
Lastly, I love and believe in affirmations, I am going to affirm the following:
“I deserve all the desires of my life. I am allowing all the desires of my life to manifest, Now!”
Kudos to you, Jillian! But, how exactly do you just wake up one day full of possibilities and positive thinking? I have already started doing the following to raise my vibrations:
- I have wireless headphones that are now part of my accessory as I diligently listen to inspiring audio books either on Audible or YouTube. This is so convenient because even though I am not focusing on them at times when I am working or cooking, my mind is saturated with empowering words!
- When I get a chance or my intuition leads me to it, I read inspirational books on self-development and self-mastery. I enjoy books by Neville Goddard, Frederick Dodson, Abraham Hicks, Jane Roberts (The SETH books), Joe Dispenza, etc. Now and again, i enjoy a steamy romance novel!
- I listen to calming and soothing music, and sometimes when I do this, I am led to pray.
- Then I pray and affirm. Prayer is so different to me now. It is more like affirming myself. I affirm all that I hope for. I affirm my power. I allow myself to feel the love, peace, serenity, perfect health, victory, etc.
- Watch inspiring documentaries.
- I am a fan of stretching especially when I am feeling physically challenged. This has a way of soothing me because I can feel the tension released from my muscles. I highly recommend!
- Practice gratitude, here are some ideas that I shared on my previous post.
- Play. I try to learn from my daughter and immerse myself in childish glee. It is the best and I would like to do more of it.
I am open to more suggestions if you would like to share! Wish me luck 😉